Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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