I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
