May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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