u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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