I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
