Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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