not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
