Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
