why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
