I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
