At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
