So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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