I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
