my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
