If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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