I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
