I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
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