Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
