Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
