Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
There are leaves in my underwear?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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