I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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