dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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