she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
