So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
