Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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