You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
