so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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