I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
