How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's like heaven, but drunker
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
