??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
