my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
