Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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