I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
