the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
