Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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