i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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