yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Be still, my beating vagina.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
