Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
