Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
