I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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