RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Found your dick twin last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
