The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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