Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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