was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
