I wish my penis had an off switch
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
