I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
