It's Friday. Sex?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
