We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
