we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
