Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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